July and August have been extremely crazy for my husband and me. We planned a trip to a new city to scope out potential houses and visited with family. We had an amazing time and found the cutest house that'll be perfect for us to grow into. We've been bouncing around apartments for the past five or six years so to finally have a home to call ours (well, we're renting, but still) is so great.
We spent all of July packing and preparing to move, dealt with some family drama, and at the end of the month said goodbye. We had been living in our previous town for the past year so my husband and his brother were able to work together to start a business. We gave it a year and then planned to move somewhere we both wanted to be so we could really settle down. I knew if we were going to get serious about trying to have a baby, I wanted to at least be within driving distance of my family so they could see and spend time with our kids as they got older.
Here we are one month in and I've already started a new job. We are, mostly, unpacked and getting settled into our new home. So far things are going really great. We've been spending a lot of time hanging out with my husbands cousins who live in the area - it's like having instant best friends!
We have continued to just try to "see how it goes" while checking ovulation days. With the move, we don't have health insurance coverage until after I've been at my new job for 90 days, so we'll have to wait that long just to make a new doctor appointment. I'm slightly frustrated over some of the time I feel like has been wasted this year, but I know that we are on the path to figuring out why we haven't been successful in getting pregnant so far.
My period is currently nine days late. I haven't taken a test yet. Frankly, because I just have a gut feeling that it will be negative. It's been a few months since the HSG procedure and I feel like it may have wound up being a temporary fix to whatever my problems are. I've gone so long with skipped periods that I just don't want to get my hopes up. I'm sure I'll take a test in a few days just to be sure, but for now, I'm not crossing my fingers.
Monday, September 7, 2015
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
BFN #3
Although I'm sad to be saying, "nope, not pregnant this month," I am at least happy to know that my body is on it's very own natural path. This is the longest that I've been off of any type of birth control or pills to help regulate my cycle, and it seems to be going okay. It has me wondering if the HSG really did act as a "flushing out" of my system. This is definitely the best news I've had in a long time, despite not being pregnant.
So, like I said, I am a little sad that our timing didn't work out last month, but I'm still very happy that my body may actually be back on track. We'll see how the next few months go.
So, like I said, I am a little sad that our timing didn't work out last month, but I'm still very happy that my body may actually be back on track. We'll see how the next few months go.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
BFN #2
Today rings in a definite, "nope, not pregnant." As I contemplated writing this, I feel like I'm basically announcing to the whole world, "Hey! I got my period today!" Not exactly the type of thing you want to be shouting from roof tops.
I was really happy a few weeks ago when I got the smiley face on my ovulation kit. It was a sign that my body is working the way it's supposed to. This is a HUGE deal.
My husband and I had a talk about using the kit, and I told him I feel like now we are moving over into a planned and scheduled sex life. I don't want to feel like it's going to add stress or pressure ... and I certainly don't want it to feel like it's taking the romance away. So, I wan't really sure how to bring it up to him that I HAD the smiley face on the ovulation kit. He reassured me that we won't let it get too stressful and we can find ways to be silly about it, or make it entertaining. This guy. <3
In this same conversation we also talked about how right now our lives are a little crazy. My husband was laid off from his job in March and since then has been working freelance jobs, while at the same time starting a business with his brothers AND joined a friend in another business adventure. He couldn't be happier. Seriously. His old job used to stress him out and there were lots of cranky days. Now, he's working hard but he loves what he's doing and the fact that he's his own boss.
On top of that, we are in the process of getting ready to move (to another state), so we have to plan a trip in a few weeks to go house hunting, then come back to start packing.
Everything is up in the air and we're not really sure what it's all going to look like in a few months. So because of this, my husband said that he doesn't necessarily want to wait or hold off on trying, but thinking about trying isn't at the top of his list these days. I definitely don't blame him, what with all the things he has going on. Plus, how do you plan for a baby when you're not sure where you're going to be living in a few months, or what jobs you'll have?
And while we're on the subject, we are both working on trying to be healthier. We could definitely spend more time focusing on working out and eating healthier. My husband said that he really wants to make that happen before a baby comes because he wants to be able to do things, do whatever he wants, that his current weight makes it harder to do. I definitely understand this. These past few months I feel like I haven't been focusing on these things and I've actually gained a few pounds. Not happy with that at all!
So, for the next couple of months while we are getting the rest of our busy lives together, we'll just see how things naturally go, but after we've taken care of a few things, then we are going to buckle down and really get to the bottom of this baby-less situation.
The best part about the conversation we had was actually hearing my husband tell me that he's no longer afraid of becoming a dad. Little things about brand new babies might still freak him out, but he's not scared of the father he'll be. I got a little teary eyed and then he said, "Plus, I have never doubted what a great mom you will be."
I was really happy a few weeks ago when I got the smiley face on my ovulation kit. It was a sign that my body is working the way it's supposed to. This is a HUGE deal.
My husband and I had a talk about using the kit, and I told him I feel like now we are moving over into a planned and scheduled sex life. I don't want to feel like it's going to add stress or pressure ... and I certainly don't want it to feel like it's taking the romance away. So, I wan't really sure how to bring it up to him that I HAD the smiley face on the ovulation kit. He reassured me that we won't let it get too stressful and we can find ways to be silly about it, or make it entertaining. This guy. <3
In this same conversation we also talked about how right now our lives are a little crazy. My husband was laid off from his job in March and since then has been working freelance jobs, while at the same time starting a business with his brothers AND joined a friend in another business adventure. He couldn't be happier. Seriously. His old job used to stress him out and there were lots of cranky days. Now, he's working hard but he loves what he's doing and the fact that he's his own boss.
On top of that, we are in the process of getting ready to move (to another state), so we have to plan a trip in a few weeks to go house hunting, then come back to start packing.
Everything is up in the air and we're not really sure what it's all going to look like in a few months. So because of this, my husband said that he doesn't necessarily want to wait or hold off on trying, but thinking about trying isn't at the top of his list these days. I definitely don't blame him, what with all the things he has going on. Plus, how do you plan for a baby when you're not sure where you're going to be living in a few months, or what jobs you'll have?
And while we're on the subject, we are both working on trying to be healthier. We could definitely spend more time focusing on working out and eating healthier. My husband said that he really wants to make that happen before a baby comes because he wants to be able to do things, do whatever he wants, that his current weight makes it harder to do. I definitely understand this. These past few months I feel like I haven't been focusing on these things and I've actually gained a few pounds. Not happy with that at all!
So, for the next couple of months while we are getting the rest of our busy lives together, we'll just see how things naturally go, but after we've taken care of a few things, then we are going to buckle down and really get to the bottom of this baby-less situation.
The best part about the conversation we had was actually hearing my husband tell me that he's no longer afraid of becoming a dad. Little things about brand new babies might still freak him out, but he's not scared of the father he'll be. I got a little teary eyed and then he said, "Plus, I have never doubted what a great mom you will be."
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Charts & Temps & Kits, Oh My!
I have had crazy, irregular cycles for years. I can't seem to figure out what causes the issues, and apparently neither can any doctor I talk to. I've been tracking my cycles on an app on my phone and recently downloaded a new one. This one has chat forums right in the app so you can talk with other women who are going through the same thing you are. I know I'm at the very beginning of "trying" but I feel like there's so much I haven't been paying close enough attention to.
Like, there's a completely different thermometer you should be using to check your basal body temps first thing every day. And if you log & track it, you should be able to figure out just by that, which day you are going to ovulate. Oh but most of them beep the whole time you're taking your temp to make sure you're using it correctly, which is pretty annoying, especially if you don't even get out of bed before you stick that thing in your mouth (so says most of the amazon reviews of every single one).
Or you can buy handy dandy ovulation kits and test - which, um.. why are there like a million different brands out there?
A friend of mine practices natural (non-birth control) family planning, where she tracks her cycle and when they were trying to conceive, she used the ovulation tests to know when they should try, and when they aren't trying, they avoid those days. It seems easy enough but I am not even sure that my body is doing what it's supposed to.
The more I thought about it, I realized that even though I could be using two different apps on my phone to track my erratic cycle, it is only going to assume that I am actually ovulating. So what if I'm not? I read a bajillion reviews and settled on one of the top rated brands that was also available through Amazon Prime.
I've been charting and knew that the big O should be any day now, so I started using the tests to see if I'd get any sort of results. I'm not going to lie, I seriously picked out one that was going to be the easiest to use. I insert a test into the kit (which looks like a larger pregnancy test), pee, and then wait for it to do it's magic trick. A big O shows up if I'm not ovulating, and a big smiley face shows up if I am. Simple. No wondering if one line is darker than another. No reason for a false reading.
After testing it out for a few days, I'm happy to report that I got a big smiley face the other day. So, I'm happy that it appears the test works like it should, but also really happy that it would also appear I am ovulating. Maybe the HSG kicked my body back into the right mode?
Like, there's a completely different thermometer you should be using to check your basal body temps first thing every day. And if you log & track it, you should be able to figure out just by that, which day you are going to ovulate. Oh but most of them beep the whole time you're taking your temp to make sure you're using it correctly, which is pretty annoying, especially if you don't even get out of bed before you stick that thing in your mouth (so says most of the amazon reviews of every single one).
Or you can buy handy dandy ovulation kits and test - which, um.. why are there like a million different brands out there?
A friend of mine practices natural (non-birth control) family planning, where she tracks her cycle and when they were trying to conceive, she used the ovulation tests to know when they should try, and when they aren't trying, they avoid those days. It seems easy enough but I am not even sure that my body is doing what it's supposed to.
The more I thought about it, I realized that even though I could be using two different apps on my phone to track my erratic cycle, it is only going to assume that I am actually ovulating. So what if I'm not? I read a bajillion reviews and settled on one of the top rated brands that was also available through Amazon Prime.
I've been charting and knew that the big O should be any day now, so I started using the tests to see if I'd get any sort of results. I'm not going to lie, I seriously picked out one that was going to be the easiest to use. I insert a test into the kit (which looks like a larger pregnancy test), pee, and then wait for it to do it's magic trick. A big O shows up if I'm not ovulating, and a big smiley face shows up if I am. Simple. No wondering if one line is darker than another. No reason for a false reading.
After testing it out for a few days, I'm happy to report that I got a big smiley face the other day. So, I'm happy that it appears the test works like it should, but also really happy that it would also appear I am ovulating. Maybe the HSG kicked my body back into the right mode?
Look Who's Talking
Remember that scene in Look Who's Talking, maybe it's the credits? I don't really remember because I was probably, like, 12 when I saw it last... but it's the part where they show the sperm racing to get to the egg?
So that visual right there... was what my dream was last night. For real. I don't remember any Beach Boys "I Get Around" playing in the background, but the rest of it was definitely my dream. It was apparently baby-making time and those little sperm were making their way, one in particular zooming ahead of the others until he made it.
I remember feeling really warm and happy, but I'm not sure if it was a reaction to my dream and I actually felt that way, or if in my dream I was watching some sort of ultrasound-video of how my baby was going to start growing. Seriously the strangest thing I've ever dreamed about.
A year ago I had a dream that my sister was pregnant. I sent her a text when I woke up that morning telling her, to which she replied, "You're crazy! Maybe you are!" We laughed and I passed it off as a silly dream. But not two weeks later did she call to confirm that she WAS pregnant but hadn't wanted to tell people yet but she thought my dream was so crazy.
Then this past fall I had a dream about my sister in law, and when we spent time together I just had this strange feeling. I told my husband that I thought she was pregnant and he laughed, told me that his brother hadn't said anything or mentioned that they were trying for a third. I told him that a lot of people don't announce anything until after the first trimester anyway, so they could be expecting. And they were! We found out a few weeks later!
So normally I'd be all psyched out thinking I was having a pregnancy dream about myself finally, so maybe I was on to something ... but I know it was just because of all the baby talk lately. It's really the only thing that's on my mind so obviously I would dream about it.
Anway, I couldn't get this crazy, semi-creepy dream out of my head all day so I thought I'd share! -lol-
So that visual right there... was what my dream was last night. For real. I don't remember any Beach Boys "I Get Around" playing in the background, but the rest of it was definitely my dream. It was apparently baby-making time and those little sperm were making their way, one in particular zooming ahead of the others until he made it.
I remember feeling really warm and happy, but I'm not sure if it was a reaction to my dream and I actually felt that way, or if in my dream I was watching some sort of ultrasound-video of how my baby was going to start growing. Seriously the strangest thing I've ever dreamed about.
A year ago I had a dream that my sister was pregnant. I sent her a text when I woke up that morning telling her, to which she replied, "You're crazy! Maybe you are!" We laughed and I passed it off as a silly dream. But not two weeks later did she call to confirm that she WAS pregnant but hadn't wanted to tell people yet but she thought my dream was so crazy.
Then this past fall I had a dream about my sister in law, and when we spent time together I just had this strange feeling. I told my husband that I thought she was pregnant and he laughed, told me that his brother hadn't said anything or mentioned that they were trying for a third. I told him that a lot of people don't announce anything until after the first trimester anyway, so they could be expecting. And they were! We found out a few weeks later!
So normally I'd be all psyched out thinking I was having a pregnancy dream about myself finally, so maybe I was on to something ... but I know it was just because of all the baby talk lately. It's really the only thing that's on my mind so obviously I would dream about it.
Anway, I couldn't get this crazy, semi-creepy dream out of my head all day so I thought I'd share! -lol-
Monday, May 4, 2015
BFN #1
BFN = Big Fat No (At least according to all the pregnancy blogs & forums I've seen.)
Today is the first official NO. I got a little teary eyed when I realized why I'd been feeling so crummy for a few days. We've been out of town for my husbands business and it's been a colossal pile of stress. I figured the stress and lack of sleep was taking its toll on me. Also, when your period shows up a week EARLY, that's not exactly your happiest day when you are trying to get pregnant.
Since the HSG, I wanted to be sure to track my "days" so that I wouldn't miss the big ovulation moment. I'd been using an app on my phone to track my cycle for about a year now. I had figured it was a great way to help the doctors see how my body is acting, and not depending on my tired brain to have to remember all the details.
The only problem is that when your period comes early, doesn't that mean your ovulation days were earlier than you thought they were? Either way, I thought I knew which days would be the best to try, and not too long after, there's that definite sign that I'm not pregnant.
I know I said before that I was going to take the "flushing out" pregnancy possibility with a grain of salt, and not get my hopes up .... and I definitely wasn't expecting it to be that easy ... but it still stings a little bit.
Today is the first official NO. I got a little teary eyed when I realized why I'd been feeling so crummy for a few days. We've been out of town for my husbands business and it's been a colossal pile of stress. I figured the stress and lack of sleep was taking its toll on me. Also, when your period shows up a week EARLY, that's not exactly your happiest day when you are trying to get pregnant.
Since the HSG, I wanted to be sure to track my "days" so that I wouldn't miss the big ovulation moment. I'd been using an app on my phone to track my cycle for about a year now. I had figured it was a great way to help the doctors see how my body is acting, and not depending on my tired brain to have to remember all the details.
The only problem is that when your period comes early, doesn't that mean your ovulation days were earlier than you thought they were? Either way, I thought I knew which days would be the best to try, and not too long after, there's that definite sign that I'm not pregnant.
I know I said before that I was going to take the "flushing out" pregnancy possibility with a grain of salt, and not get my hopes up .... and I definitely wasn't expecting it to be that easy ... but it still stings a little bit.
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
One Week Post HSG Test Day
It's been a little over a week since I had the HSG test done. For about two days after the test I was definitely feeling cramp-y and still had some discomfort. It wasn't until Thursday when I was feeling no pain.
They say it's normal to have some pain for a few days after as long as it feels "manageable" by taking an over the counter pain medicine. Ibuprofen became my best friend for those three days for sure.
The Doctor had told my husband and I that sometimes you may not have blockage in your fallopian tubes, but the HSG could "flush out" your system. Which, he said, could be all some women need in order to get pregnant.
I had done some reading online in different pregnancy forums and found that there were so many women posting about how they got pregnant almost immediately after the procedure. I didn't want to get my hopes up because what about all the women who weren't posting about NOT getting pregnant right after? So I took this with a grain of salt, trying not to get high hopes.
My husband, however, thought this could be the answer we needed. Our Doctor told us to schedule a follow up appointment so we could go over our next steps and options. But, as soon as we left the surgery center, my husband said that he thought maybe we should wait to make the appointment and just see if this would work like he said it might.
So right now I'm going to wait and see what happens for a few weeks.
They say it's normal to have some pain for a few days after as long as it feels "manageable" by taking an over the counter pain medicine. Ibuprofen became my best friend for those three days for sure.
The Doctor had told my husband and I that sometimes you may not have blockage in your fallopian tubes, but the HSG could "flush out" your system. Which, he said, could be all some women need in order to get pregnant.
I had done some reading online in different pregnancy forums and found that there were so many women posting about how they got pregnant almost immediately after the procedure. I didn't want to get my hopes up because what about all the women who weren't posting about NOT getting pregnant right after? So I took this with a grain of salt, trying not to get high hopes.
My husband, however, thought this could be the answer we needed. Our Doctor told us to schedule a follow up appointment so we could go over our next steps and options. But, as soon as we left the surgery center, my husband said that he thought maybe we should wait to make the appointment and just see if this would work like he said it might.
So right now I'm going to wait and see what happens for a few weeks.
Monday, April 13, 2015
HSG Test Day
Today was the day. HSG Test Day.
For the past couple of days I've been reading blogs from other women who have had fertility struggles. I wanted to know what I should expect, and not just from what the doctors or nurses had to say. One woman I randomly came across had made videos of her journey. One video was titled, "What I wish I'd known before my HSG test." Obviously that's the one I jumped right to. She explained her procedure and talked about the things she hoped would help ease the minds of anyone else watching her videos.
It seems so overwhelming when you have to have a prescription to take the night before the procedure, and you're told to take 600mg of Ibuprofen an hour before your appointment. I wasn't really worried about the actual procedure, but I was stressing out over the pain factor. One blogger said her doctor prescribed her a Valium. What?! How much is this going to hurt?!
We headed over to the Surgery Center, checked in, and chatted while we waited to be called back. A nurse brought me back alone first so I could give a urine sample and change into a lovely gown. She took some vital stats and had me sit in a wheelchair, brought me a warm blanket, socks, and made me put on a hair net. It seemed really silly and overkill, especially since this wasn't really surgery of any kind. But the warm blanket felt nice. She went to get my husband from the waiting room and told us the doctor would be with us in a few minutes. My husband kept staring at me and he said, "I'm not going to lie, this is so weird. Why are you in a wheelchair? With the blanket and hair net... you look like a Cancer patient." I laughed and told him I felt like it was a little extreme too. The doctor came in and went over the process of the procedure - which I already knew from all the reading I did online - and it was actually really comforting.. there weren't any surprises I wasn't ready for.
Next, they told my husband to hang out in the waiting room, and they wheeled me back to the x-ray room. I laid down on the table, was covered in more warm blankets. The doctor walked through each step as he was doing them, telling me when I might experience any discomfort or pain. The nurse stood next to me, asking if I was doing okay or needed anything. She even offered to hold my hand if I felt like I needed comforting. I was able to look over at the monitors and watch as the dye was inserted into my fallopian tubes. At first, I was a little worried because I didn't see the dye moving on the left side like it was on the right, but then when the doctor pushed more dye through, you could see it spreading out like it should.
The whole procedure lasted about ten minutes. It was definitely uncomfortable, even though they numbed the area before inserting the dye. But the worst part was definitely having the dye pushed through my tubes. It was worse than any menstrual cramping I'd ever had - which says a lot because I've had some terrible cramps in my time.
Afterward, we met with the doctor again so he could show us the x-rays of the results. He said that sometimes couples are able to conceive just from having the HSG test done, because it sort of acts like a flushing of your system. Maybe there wasn't a real blockage, but pushing the dye through could clean things out enough to make a difference when trying. He said our next step will be to have an official consult with him at his office to discuss what he thinks our next steps are, which options we have.
All of my reproductive parts seem to be healthy and working just like they should be. I know I should be happy about this, but at the same time, I'm extremely frustrated that I don't have a distinctive answer as to what's been going on to keep us from having a baby by now.
For the past couple of days I've been reading blogs from other women who have had fertility struggles. I wanted to know what I should expect, and not just from what the doctors or nurses had to say. One woman I randomly came across had made videos of her journey. One video was titled, "What I wish I'd known before my HSG test." Obviously that's the one I jumped right to. She explained her procedure and talked about the things she hoped would help ease the minds of anyone else watching her videos.
It seems so overwhelming when you have to have a prescription to take the night before the procedure, and you're told to take 600mg of Ibuprofen an hour before your appointment. I wasn't really worried about the actual procedure, but I was stressing out over the pain factor. One blogger said her doctor prescribed her a Valium. What?! How much is this going to hurt?!
We headed over to the Surgery Center, checked in, and chatted while we waited to be called back. A nurse brought me back alone first so I could give a urine sample and change into a lovely gown. She took some vital stats and had me sit in a wheelchair, brought me a warm blanket, socks, and made me put on a hair net. It seemed really silly and overkill, especially since this wasn't really surgery of any kind. But the warm blanket felt nice. She went to get my husband from the waiting room and told us the doctor would be with us in a few minutes. My husband kept staring at me and he said, "I'm not going to lie, this is so weird. Why are you in a wheelchair? With the blanket and hair net... you look like a Cancer patient." I laughed and told him I felt like it was a little extreme too. The doctor came in and went over the process of the procedure - which I already knew from all the reading I did online - and it was actually really comforting.. there weren't any surprises I wasn't ready for.
Next, they told my husband to hang out in the waiting room, and they wheeled me back to the x-ray room. I laid down on the table, was covered in more warm blankets. The doctor walked through each step as he was doing them, telling me when I might experience any discomfort or pain. The nurse stood next to me, asking if I was doing okay or needed anything. She even offered to hold my hand if I felt like I needed comforting. I was able to look over at the monitors and watch as the dye was inserted into my fallopian tubes. At first, I was a little worried because I didn't see the dye moving on the left side like it was on the right, but then when the doctor pushed more dye through, you could see it spreading out like it should.
The whole procedure lasted about ten minutes. It was definitely uncomfortable, even though they numbed the area before inserting the dye. But the worst part was definitely having the dye pushed through my tubes. It was worse than any menstrual cramping I'd ever had - which says a lot because I've had some terrible cramps in my time.
Afterward, we met with the doctor again so he could show us the x-rays of the results. He said that sometimes couples are able to conceive just from having the HSG test done, because it sort of acts like a flushing of your system. Maybe there wasn't a real blockage, but pushing the dye through could clean things out enough to make a difference when trying. He said our next step will be to have an official consult with him at his office to discuss what he thinks our next steps are, which options we have.
All of my reproductive parts seem to be healthy and working just like they should be. I know I should be happy about this, but at the same time, I'm extremely frustrated that I don't have a distinctive answer as to what's been going on to keep us from having a baby by now.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Test Results - Rounds 1 & 2
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
The nurse called me around 9am with more elaborate notes from the Doctor. My test results seemed pretty normal. My hormones were where they should be, I didn't test out of the ranges for PCOS, and even my previously problematic thyroid issues seemed to have slipped into a "normal" range. The only thing they seemed worried about for me was my insulin and glucose levels, they were slightly higher than they should be, which raises a red flag when you have two grandparents who had been diabetic. So my plan for that is continue our healthier eating habits, and up my workout routine to try to get back down to a healthier weight. I told the nurse I wasn't surprised by those results and it had been something I've been trying to work at already.
She told me that they want to hold off on me having the HSG test done right now because they wanted my husband to come back in for a more detailed test. She said that his sperm count levels were extremely low so they want to look into that before determining whether that is part of our problem conceiving.
I immediately start to break down. I can hardly relay the message to my husband without tears because I know that if this is part of our crazy equation, it is going to severely limit the next options in trying to have a baby. My husband tells me that he's not worried and he thinks they must have screwed up the test somehow, he's not trusting this answer until the next test.
He calls to set up his next appointment for next week, March 31st.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
One of the nurses from the Doctors office calls with results. She says that this test gives us a positive result and while my husband relays the message to me, he says, "We have plenty of little swimmers!"
This is the hugest relief. All week between getting the previous results and waiting for the new ones, I'd been so saddened by what this possibility could mean for us. I knew that two or three of the "easy" and most natural fertility methods would be kicked to the curb if this second test had similar results. I was scared by what it meant was in our future. We had briefly talked about IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) or IVF (In Vetro Fertilization) treatments, and while I might be more open to IUI, neither of us felt comfortable with IVF. So my mind raced around wondering what would happen if these were our only two options? What did this mean? Were there any other options out there that were more natural? I'd been stressing out over these questions silently. I avoided telling anyone about the situation until the second test results came back because I just wasn't ready to talk about those emotions yet.
I can't begin to express my thankfulness for all of the test results between my husband and I to come back with positive, healthy results. I've prayed over and over to ask God to have sovereignty over us and grant us the ability to have children. I have never been more thankful to know that maybe the road ahead isn't as tough as we've been thinking it would be.
So we'll see what comes next.
The nurse called me around 9am with more elaborate notes from the Doctor. My test results seemed pretty normal. My hormones were where they should be, I didn't test out of the ranges for PCOS, and even my previously problematic thyroid issues seemed to have slipped into a "normal" range. The only thing they seemed worried about for me was my insulin and glucose levels, they were slightly higher than they should be, which raises a red flag when you have two grandparents who had been diabetic. So my plan for that is continue our healthier eating habits, and up my workout routine to try to get back down to a healthier weight. I told the nurse I wasn't surprised by those results and it had been something I've been trying to work at already.
She told me that they want to hold off on me having the HSG test done right now because they wanted my husband to come back in for a more detailed test. She said that his sperm count levels were extremely low so they want to look into that before determining whether that is part of our problem conceiving.
I immediately start to break down. I can hardly relay the message to my husband without tears because I know that if this is part of our crazy equation, it is going to severely limit the next options in trying to have a baby. My husband tells me that he's not worried and he thinks they must have screwed up the test somehow, he's not trusting this answer until the next test.
He calls to set up his next appointment for next week, March 31st.
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
One of the nurses from the Doctors office calls with results. She says that this test gives us a positive result and while my husband relays the message to me, he says, "We have plenty of little swimmers!"
This is the hugest relief. All week between getting the previous results and waiting for the new ones, I'd been so saddened by what this possibility could mean for us. I knew that two or three of the "easy" and most natural fertility methods would be kicked to the curb if this second test had similar results. I was scared by what it meant was in our future. We had briefly talked about IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) or IVF (In Vetro Fertilization) treatments, and while I might be more open to IUI, neither of us felt comfortable with IVF. So my mind raced around wondering what would happen if these were our only two options? What did this mean? Were there any other options out there that were more natural? I'd been stressing out over these questions silently. I avoided telling anyone about the situation until the second test results came back because I just wasn't ready to talk about those emotions yet.
I can't begin to express my thankfulness for all of the test results between my husband and I to come back with positive, healthy results. I've prayed over and over to ask God to have sovereignty over us and grant us the ability to have children. I have never been more thankful to know that maybe the road ahead isn't as tough as we've been thinking it would be.
So we'll see what comes next.
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
First round of doctor appointments
Thursday, February 26, 2015
Today is the day. I'd finally called to make an appointment with a specialist sometime in January, but the earliest I could get in as a new patient would be April 15th. The office sent me a packet with something like eleven pages of medical history to fill out. I faxed requests to two previous doctors to forward my medical files.
A few weeks went by and I got a phone call saying there was a cancellation, would I be available to come in earlier than my scheduled date? Heck yes I want to come in a month and a half earlier! Who cares if we're supposed to be going out of town that evening...
I was a nervous wreck all day. I really shouldn't have been. I knew that this was just a basic preliminary meeting. We'd go over medical records, discuss what the doctor thought could be the issue, discuss what our thoughts were about next step options. It's not like this meeting was going to be where he'd tell me I was never going to be able to have my own children. But I guess when it hasn't happened in two years, that's sort of the first place your brain goes.
The appointment was exactly what I thought it would be. We met with one doctor who had gone over all of the medical info before our appointment so she only had a few follow up questions. She discussed different things that could be causing our problems conceiving, went over different tests we could do to further investigate. Then we met with other doctor who sat down to tell us what his thoughts were about the cause of our problems and what sort of steps he thought we should take. But he also wanted to be sure that as a couple, we were on the same page with him. Luckily, we were. I was so happy for my husband to be sitting in the chair next to me, asking questions and being completely honest with the doctor when he said that it sounded like he had a great plan for us.
The doctors suggested we do some blood work, specifically to check my thyroid since we knew that was an ongoing issue, then to run a specific test for PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), and whatever other workups they thought were necessary. They also suggested doing an ultrasound, and depending on those results, we discussed doing a HSG test (Hysterosalpingogram - x-ray of dye inserted into the fallopian tubes). We did the ultrasound right there in the office and they said I "got an A" - everything looked healthy and normal.
I left with papers to take to the lab for blood work. I also left the office feeling like a giant weight had been lifted. These doctors made us both feel completely comfortable and at ease, and trusting that they would help us figure out a plan so we could become parents one day.
We left to go out of town that night. Literally left the doctors office to go home to finish packing, grab some dinner, and drive to the airport. We then spent a week with family, so there wasn't a lot of time for either of us to really process how we felt until after we got back home.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
As soon as we were home from our week long trip, I called the lab to set up my appointment for a glucose test and other blood work. I've done a glucose test before, it's not fun. I don't really like needles and blood, and I think I'm always really dehydrated because my veins are never cooperative.
When I went in for my appointment the nurse was completely in shock over all of the tests they were supposed to be running. I wanted to cry when I saw the labels for the viles being printed; hoping that I wouldn't pass out since I had to fast for 12 hours before going in.
I was at the lab for a little over three hours. I actually kind of liked the orange glucose drink... it's like drinking a flat Orange Crush. I got cold, and slightly woozy feeling around the two hour mark. But at least I got to sit in a comfy recliner.
The next day I hopped on a plane to head to Wisconsin to visit with my family for about a week. By the time I returned home, I logged in online and saw that all SEVENTEEN of my test results were in. However, I had no clue what any of them meant. Back on the 26th the doctors told me they would call me when my results were in so we could schedule the HSG test - I'd already signed all the waivers and had a prescription for a medicine to take the night before the procedure. I was all set, just waiting for the phone call. I waited and waited.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Finally, today, on the 24th, I called the office to see what was going on. I spoke with a nurse who said all of my files were on the doctors desk with some notes about running more tests, but she said it looked like he wasn't done deciding what we were going to do next. She said she'd talk to him in the morning and then call me back. She apologized for it having been so long, it wasn't like our files got shuffled and lost, he was really working on them in between other patients.
I'm suddenly nervous about what it means that it's taken two weeks for them to not have called. I'm guessing that I won't be getting any sleep at all tonight.
Today is the day. I'd finally called to make an appointment with a specialist sometime in January, but the earliest I could get in as a new patient would be April 15th. The office sent me a packet with something like eleven pages of medical history to fill out. I faxed requests to two previous doctors to forward my medical files.
A few weeks went by and I got a phone call saying there was a cancellation, would I be available to come in earlier than my scheduled date? Heck yes I want to come in a month and a half earlier! Who cares if we're supposed to be going out of town that evening...
I was a nervous wreck all day. I really shouldn't have been. I knew that this was just a basic preliminary meeting. We'd go over medical records, discuss what the doctor thought could be the issue, discuss what our thoughts were about next step options. It's not like this meeting was going to be where he'd tell me I was never going to be able to have my own children. But I guess when it hasn't happened in two years, that's sort of the first place your brain goes.
The appointment was exactly what I thought it would be. We met with one doctor who had gone over all of the medical info before our appointment so she only had a few follow up questions. She discussed different things that could be causing our problems conceiving, went over different tests we could do to further investigate. Then we met with other doctor who sat down to tell us what his thoughts were about the cause of our problems and what sort of steps he thought we should take. But he also wanted to be sure that as a couple, we were on the same page with him. Luckily, we were. I was so happy for my husband to be sitting in the chair next to me, asking questions and being completely honest with the doctor when he said that it sounded like he had a great plan for us.
The doctors suggested we do some blood work, specifically to check my thyroid since we knew that was an ongoing issue, then to run a specific test for PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome), and whatever other workups they thought were necessary. They also suggested doing an ultrasound, and depending on those results, we discussed doing a HSG test (Hysterosalpingogram - x-ray of dye inserted into the fallopian tubes). We did the ultrasound right there in the office and they said I "got an A" - everything looked healthy and normal.
I left with papers to take to the lab for blood work. I also left the office feeling like a giant weight had been lifted. These doctors made us both feel completely comfortable and at ease, and trusting that they would help us figure out a plan so we could become parents one day.
We left to go out of town that night. Literally left the doctors office to go home to finish packing, grab some dinner, and drive to the airport. We then spent a week with family, so there wasn't a lot of time for either of us to really process how we felt until after we got back home.
Wednesday, March 11, 2015
As soon as we were home from our week long trip, I called the lab to set up my appointment for a glucose test and other blood work. I've done a glucose test before, it's not fun. I don't really like needles and blood, and I think I'm always really dehydrated because my veins are never cooperative.
When I went in for my appointment the nurse was completely in shock over all of the tests they were supposed to be running. I wanted to cry when I saw the labels for the viles being printed; hoping that I wouldn't pass out since I had to fast for 12 hours before going in.
I was at the lab for a little over three hours. I actually kind of liked the orange glucose drink... it's like drinking a flat Orange Crush. I got cold, and slightly woozy feeling around the two hour mark. But at least I got to sit in a comfy recliner.
The next day I hopped on a plane to head to Wisconsin to visit with my family for about a week. By the time I returned home, I logged in online and saw that all SEVENTEEN of my test results were in. However, I had no clue what any of them meant. Back on the 26th the doctors told me they would call me when my results were in so we could schedule the HSG test - I'd already signed all the waivers and had a prescription for a medicine to take the night before the procedure. I was all set, just waiting for the phone call. I waited and waited.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Finally, today, on the 24th, I called the office to see what was going on. I spoke with a nurse who said all of my files were on the doctors desk with some notes about running more tests, but she said it looked like he wasn't done deciding what we were going to do next. She said she'd talk to him in the morning and then call me back. She apologized for it having been so long, it wasn't like our files got shuffled and lost, he was really working on them in between other patients.
I'm suddenly nervous about what it means that it's taken two weeks for them to not have called. I'm guessing that I won't be getting any sleep at all tonight.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Sadness all around
As we are getting older and I watch more and more friends or family members have babies, I'm also becoming aware of the things I never thought about years ago. Things like struggling to get pregnant, miscarriages, journeys through fertility treatments, or illnesses babies can be born with.
I've been fortunate enough to see so many happy, healthy babies in my family and circle of friends. It wasn't until a few years ago where these other issues really started becoming more of an eye opener to me. Especially when I started to open up to a few friends about our own struggle with becoming pregnant. While talking to these friends, I felt support from knowing someone else was going through all the emotions I was when yet another friend became pregnant and I became jealous of them. My heart ached for a friend who, after years of struggle, became pregnant but then lost the baby to a miscarriage.
I've been fortunate enough to see so many happy, healthy babies in my family and circle of friends. It wasn't until a few years ago where these other issues really started becoming more of an eye opener to me. Especially when I started to open up to a few friends about our own struggle with becoming pregnant. While talking to these friends, I felt support from knowing someone else was going through all the emotions I was when yet another friend became pregnant and I became jealous of them. My heart ached for a friend who, after years of struggle, became pregnant but then lost the baby to a miscarriage.
But right now I'm at a loss of how to feel, or how to offer support to our two sets of friends who have lost their babies within the past two months. One was at birth, and the other just a few days later. I cannot even begin to imagine what each of these couples is going through, let alone what I could even do to be there for them or offer any sort of support to them. I've prayed over and over that they are able to find peace and comfort, that they are surrounded by family & friends, that they are able to gain the strength to get through each day.
I don't often post to Facebook about these types of things, but I couldn't shake these emotions and for some reason felt compelled to post about it.
I don't often post to Facebook about these types of things, but I couldn't shake these emotions and for some reason felt compelled to post about it.
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