I can't believe that a year ago we were making our first fertility doctor appointments.
A part of me is really disappointed and angry and frustrated. It feels like the last year was a complete waste of time. We aren't any closer to finding out why we aren't getting pregnant. We don't have any answers or results.
Another part of me says God is just telling us that this last year wasn't the right time. We were moving; starting a whole new chapter in our lives.
We have been in our new home for eight months now. We are settling, spending time with family, my parents have come down to visit twice, we got to spend Christmas with my family. We went on an amazing vacation. I quit the job I found when we first moved and am now, happily, working for the company I left in 2014 when we moved to Colorado. I have my old job back. And I get to work remotely from home. This is HUGE for me. I loved my job and didn't want to leave it behind. Making that sacrifice for my husband and our future was one of the hardest things I've done. So I can't begin to express my thankfulness that things worked out they way they did five months ago.
Since going back to my job we now have health insurance again and I can start looking into what coverage I might have. I've also started looking for new doctors in the area. I'm ready to get back on the train, and I think as soon as my husbands job "situation" changes, we'll be able to move forward.
Keeping my fingers crossed that "this will be the year" for us.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Monday, September 7, 2015
9 Days and Some Big Changes
July and August have been extremely crazy for my husband and me. We planned a trip to a new city to scope out potential houses and visited with family. We had an amazing time and found the cutest house that'll be perfect for us to grow into. We've been bouncing around apartments for the past five or six years so to finally have a home to call ours (well, we're renting, but still) is so great.
We spent all of July packing and preparing to move, dealt with some family drama, and at the end of the month said goodbye. We had been living in our previous town for the past year so my husband and his brother were able to work together to start a business. We gave it a year and then planned to move somewhere we both wanted to be so we could really settle down. I knew if we were going to get serious about trying to have a baby, I wanted to at least be within driving distance of my family so they could see and spend time with our kids as they got older.
Here we are one month in and I've already started a new job. We are, mostly, unpacked and getting settled into our new home. So far things are going really great. We've been spending a lot of time hanging out with my husbands cousins who live in the area - it's like having instant best friends!
We have continued to just try to "see how it goes" while checking ovulation days. With the move, we don't have health insurance coverage until after I've been at my new job for 90 days, so we'll have to wait that long just to make a new doctor appointment. I'm slightly frustrated over some of the time I feel like has been wasted this year, but I know that we are on the path to figuring out why we haven't been successful in getting pregnant so far.
My period is currently nine days late. I haven't taken a test yet. Frankly, because I just have a gut feeling that it will be negative. It's been a few months since the HSG procedure and I feel like it may have wound up being a temporary fix to whatever my problems are. I've gone so long with skipped periods that I just don't want to get my hopes up. I'm sure I'll take a test in a few days just to be sure, but for now, I'm not crossing my fingers.
We spent all of July packing and preparing to move, dealt with some family drama, and at the end of the month said goodbye. We had been living in our previous town for the past year so my husband and his brother were able to work together to start a business. We gave it a year and then planned to move somewhere we both wanted to be so we could really settle down. I knew if we were going to get serious about trying to have a baby, I wanted to at least be within driving distance of my family so they could see and spend time with our kids as they got older.
Here we are one month in and I've already started a new job. We are, mostly, unpacked and getting settled into our new home. So far things are going really great. We've been spending a lot of time hanging out with my husbands cousins who live in the area - it's like having instant best friends!
We have continued to just try to "see how it goes" while checking ovulation days. With the move, we don't have health insurance coverage until after I've been at my new job for 90 days, so we'll have to wait that long just to make a new doctor appointment. I'm slightly frustrated over some of the time I feel like has been wasted this year, but I know that we are on the path to figuring out why we haven't been successful in getting pregnant so far.
My period is currently nine days late. I haven't taken a test yet. Frankly, because I just have a gut feeling that it will be negative. It's been a few months since the HSG procedure and I feel like it may have wound up being a temporary fix to whatever my problems are. I've gone so long with skipped periods that I just don't want to get my hopes up. I'm sure I'll take a test in a few days just to be sure, but for now, I'm not crossing my fingers.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
BFN #3
Although I'm sad to be saying, "nope, not pregnant this month," I am at least happy to know that my body is on it's very own natural path. This is the longest that I've been off of any type of birth control or pills to help regulate my cycle, and it seems to be going okay. It has me wondering if the HSG really did act as a "flushing out" of my system. This is definitely the best news I've had in a long time, despite not being pregnant.
So, like I said, I am a little sad that our timing didn't work out last month, but I'm still very happy that my body may actually be back on track. We'll see how the next few months go.
So, like I said, I am a little sad that our timing didn't work out last month, but I'm still very happy that my body may actually be back on track. We'll see how the next few months go.
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
BFN #2
Today rings in a definite, "nope, not pregnant." As I contemplated writing this, I feel like I'm basically announcing to the whole world, "Hey! I got my period today!" Not exactly the type of thing you want to be shouting from roof tops.
I was really happy a few weeks ago when I got the smiley face on my ovulation kit. It was a sign that my body is working the way it's supposed to. This is a HUGE deal.
My husband and I had a talk about using the kit, and I told him I feel like now we are moving over into a planned and scheduled sex life. I don't want to feel like it's going to add stress or pressure ... and I certainly don't want it to feel like it's taking the romance away. So, I wan't really sure how to bring it up to him that I HAD the smiley face on the ovulation kit. He reassured me that we won't let it get too stressful and we can find ways to be silly about it, or make it entertaining. This guy. <3
In this same conversation we also talked about how right now our lives are a little crazy. My husband was laid off from his job in March and since then has been working freelance jobs, while at the same time starting a business with his brothers AND joined a friend in another business adventure. He couldn't be happier. Seriously. His old job used to stress him out and there were lots of cranky days. Now, he's working hard but he loves what he's doing and the fact that he's his own boss.
On top of that, we are in the process of getting ready to move (to another state), so we have to plan a trip in a few weeks to go house hunting, then come back to start packing.
Everything is up in the air and we're not really sure what it's all going to look like in a few months. So because of this, my husband said that he doesn't necessarily want to wait or hold off on trying, but thinking about trying isn't at the top of his list these days. I definitely don't blame him, what with all the things he has going on. Plus, how do you plan for a baby when you're not sure where you're going to be living in a few months, or what jobs you'll have?
And while we're on the subject, we are both working on trying to be healthier. We could definitely spend more time focusing on working out and eating healthier. My husband said that he really wants to make that happen before a baby comes because he wants to be able to do things, do whatever he wants, that his current weight makes it harder to do. I definitely understand this. These past few months I feel like I haven't been focusing on these things and I've actually gained a few pounds. Not happy with that at all!
So, for the next couple of months while we are getting the rest of our busy lives together, we'll just see how things naturally go, but after we've taken care of a few things, then we are going to buckle down and really get to the bottom of this baby-less situation.
The best part about the conversation we had was actually hearing my husband tell me that he's no longer afraid of becoming a dad. Little things about brand new babies might still freak him out, but he's not scared of the father he'll be. I got a little teary eyed and then he said, "Plus, I have never doubted what a great mom you will be."
I was really happy a few weeks ago when I got the smiley face on my ovulation kit. It was a sign that my body is working the way it's supposed to. This is a HUGE deal.
My husband and I had a talk about using the kit, and I told him I feel like now we are moving over into a planned and scheduled sex life. I don't want to feel like it's going to add stress or pressure ... and I certainly don't want it to feel like it's taking the romance away. So, I wan't really sure how to bring it up to him that I HAD the smiley face on the ovulation kit. He reassured me that we won't let it get too stressful and we can find ways to be silly about it, or make it entertaining. This guy. <3
In this same conversation we also talked about how right now our lives are a little crazy. My husband was laid off from his job in March and since then has been working freelance jobs, while at the same time starting a business with his brothers AND joined a friend in another business adventure. He couldn't be happier. Seriously. His old job used to stress him out and there were lots of cranky days. Now, he's working hard but he loves what he's doing and the fact that he's his own boss.
On top of that, we are in the process of getting ready to move (to another state), so we have to plan a trip in a few weeks to go house hunting, then come back to start packing.
Everything is up in the air and we're not really sure what it's all going to look like in a few months. So because of this, my husband said that he doesn't necessarily want to wait or hold off on trying, but thinking about trying isn't at the top of his list these days. I definitely don't blame him, what with all the things he has going on. Plus, how do you plan for a baby when you're not sure where you're going to be living in a few months, or what jobs you'll have?
And while we're on the subject, we are both working on trying to be healthier. We could definitely spend more time focusing on working out and eating healthier. My husband said that he really wants to make that happen before a baby comes because he wants to be able to do things, do whatever he wants, that his current weight makes it harder to do. I definitely understand this. These past few months I feel like I haven't been focusing on these things and I've actually gained a few pounds. Not happy with that at all!
So, for the next couple of months while we are getting the rest of our busy lives together, we'll just see how things naturally go, but after we've taken care of a few things, then we are going to buckle down and really get to the bottom of this baby-less situation.
The best part about the conversation we had was actually hearing my husband tell me that he's no longer afraid of becoming a dad. Little things about brand new babies might still freak him out, but he's not scared of the father he'll be. I got a little teary eyed and then he said, "Plus, I have never doubted what a great mom you will be."
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Charts & Temps & Kits, Oh My!
I have had crazy, irregular cycles for years. I can't seem to figure out what causes the issues, and apparently neither can any doctor I talk to. I've been tracking my cycles on an app on my phone and recently downloaded a new one. This one has chat forums right in the app so you can talk with other women who are going through the same thing you are. I know I'm at the very beginning of "trying" but I feel like there's so much I haven't been paying close enough attention to.
Like, there's a completely different thermometer you should be using to check your basal body temps first thing every day. And if you log & track it, you should be able to figure out just by that, which day you are going to ovulate. Oh but most of them beep the whole time you're taking your temp to make sure you're using it correctly, which is pretty annoying, especially if you don't even get out of bed before you stick that thing in your mouth (so says most of the amazon reviews of every single one).
Or you can buy handy dandy ovulation kits and test - which, um.. why are there like a million different brands out there?
A friend of mine practices natural (non-birth control) family planning, where she tracks her cycle and when they were trying to conceive, she used the ovulation tests to know when they should try, and when they aren't trying, they avoid those days. It seems easy enough but I am not even sure that my body is doing what it's supposed to.
The more I thought about it, I realized that even though I could be using two different apps on my phone to track my erratic cycle, it is only going to assume that I am actually ovulating. So what if I'm not? I read a bajillion reviews and settled on one of the top rated brands that was also available through Amazon Prime.
I've been charting and knew that the big O should be any day now, so I started using the tests to see if I'd get any sort of results. I'm not going to lie, I seriously picked out one that was going to be the easiest to use. I insert a test into the kit (which looks like a larger pregnancy test), pee, and then wait for it to do it's magic trick. A big O shows up if I'm not ovulating, and a big smiley face shows up if I am. Simple. No wondering if one line is darker than another. No reason for a false reading.
After testing it out for a few days, I'm happy to report that I got a big smiley face the other day. So, I'm happy that it appears the test works like it should, but also really happy that it would also appear I am ovulating. Maybe the HSG kicked my body back into the right mode?
Like, there's a completely different thermometer you should be using to check your basal body temps first thing every day. And if you log & track it, you should be able to figure out just by that, which day you are going to ovulate. Oh but most of them beep the whole time you're taking your temp to make sure you're using it correctly, which is pretty annoying, especially if you don't even get out of bed before you stick that thing in your mouth (so says most of the amazon reviews of every single one).
Or you can buy handy dandy ovulation kits and test - which, um.. why are there like a million different brands out there?
A friend of mine practices natural (non-birth control) family planning, where she tracks her cycle and when they were trying to conceive, she used the ovulation tests to know when they should try, and when they aren't trying, they avoid those days. It seems easy enough but I am not even sure that my body is doing what it's supposed to.
The more I thought about it, I realized that even though I could be using two different apps on my phone to track my erratic cycle, it is only going to assume that I am actually ovulating. So what if I'm not? I read a bajillion reviews and settled on one of the top rated brands that was also available through Amazon Prime.
I've been charting and knew that the big O should be any day now, so I started using the tests to see if I'd get any sort of results. I'm not going to lie, I seriously picked out one that was going to be the easiest to use. I insert a test into the kit (which looks like a larger pregnancy test), pee, and then wait for it to do it's magic trick. A big O shows up if I'm not ovulating, and a big smiley face shows up if I am. Simple. No wondering if one line is darker than another. No reason for a false reading.
After testing it out for a few days, I'm happy to report that I got a big smiley face the other day. So, I'm happy that it appears the test works like it should, but also really happy that it would also appear I am ovulating. Maybe the HSG kicked my body back into the right mode?
Look Who's Talking
Remember that scene in Look Who's Talking, maybe it's the credits? I don't really remember because I was probably, like, 12 when I saw it last... but it's the part where they show the sperm racing to get to the egg?
So that visual right there... was what my dream was last night. For real. I don't remember any Beach Boys "I Get Around" playing in the background, but the rest of it was definitely my dream. It was apparently baby-making time and those little sperm were making their way, one in particular zooming ahead of the others until he made it.
I remember feeling really warm and happy, but I'm not sure if it was a reaction to my dream and I actually felt that way, or if in my dream I was watching some sort of ultrasound-video of how my baby was going to start growing. Seriously the strangest thing I've ever dreamed about.
A year ago I had a dream that my sister was pregnant. I sent her a text when I woke up that morning telling her, to which she replied, "You're crazy! Maybe you are!" We laughed and I passed it off as a silly dream. But not two weeks later did she call to confirm that she WAS pregnant but hadn't wanted to tell people yet but she thought my dream was so crazy.
Then this past fall I had a dream about my sister in law, and when we spent time together I just had this strange feeling. I told my husband that I thought she was pregnant and he laughed, told me that his brother hadn't said anything or mentioned that they were trying for a third. I told him that a lot of people don't announce anything until after the first trimester anyway, so they could be expecting. And they were! We found out a few weeks later!
So normally I'd be all psyched out thinking I was having a pregnancy dream about myself finally, so maybe I was on to something ... but I know it was just because of all the baby talk lately. It's really the only thing that's on my mind so obviously I would dream about it.
Anway, I couldn't get this crazy, semi-creepy dream out of my head all day so I thought I'd share! -lol-
So that visual right there... was what my dream was last night. For real. I don't remember any Beach Boys "I Get Around" playing in the background, but the rest of it was definitely my dream. It was apparently baby-making time and those little sperm were making their way, one in particular zooming ahead of the others until he made it.
I remember feeling really warm and happy, but I'm not sure if it was a reaction to my dream and I actually felt that way, or if in my dream I was watching some sort of ultrasound-video of how my baby was going to start growing. Seriously the strangest thing I've ever dreamed about.
A year ago I had a dream that my sister was pregnant. I sent her a text when I woke up that morning telling her, to which she replied, "You're crazy! Maybe you are!" We laughed and I passed it off as a silly dream. But not two weeks later did she call to confirm that she WAS pregnant but hadn't wanted to tell people yet but she thought my dream was so crazy.
Then this past fall I had a dream about my sister in law, and when we spent time together I just had this strange feeling. I told my husband that I thought she was pregnant and he laughed, told me that his brother hadn't said anything or mentioned that they were trying for a third. I told him that a lot of people don't announce anything until after the first trimester anyway, so they could be expecting. And they were! We found out a few weeks later!
So normally I'd be all psyched out thinking I was having a pregnancy dream about myself finally, so maybe I was on to something ... but I know it was just because of all the baby talk lately. It's really the only thing that's on my mind so obviously I would dream about it.
Anway, I couldn't get this crazy, semi-creepy dream out of my head all day so I thought I'd share! -lol-
Monday, May 4, 2015
BFN #1
BFN = Big Fat No (At least according to all the pregnancy blogs & forums I've seen.)
Today is the first official NO. I got a little teary eyed when I realized why I'd been feeling so crummy for a few days. We've been out of town for my husbands business and it's been a colossal pile of stress. I figured the stress and lack of sleep was taking its toll on me. Also, when your period shows up a week EARLY, that's not exactly your happiest day when you are trying to get pregnant.
Since the HSG, I wanted to be sure to track my "days" so that I wouldn't miss the big ovulation moment. I'd been using an app on my phone to track my cycle for about a year now. I had figured it was a great way to help the doctors see how my body is acting, and not depending on my tired brain to have to remember all the details.
The only problem is that when your period comes early, doesn't that mean your ovulation days were earlier than you thought they were? Either way, I thought I knew which days would be the best to try, and not too long after, there's that definite sign that I'm not pregnant.
I know I said before that I was going to take the "flushing out" pregnancy possibility with a grain of salt, and not get my hopes up .... and I definitely wasn't expecting it to be that easy ... but it still stings a little bit.
Today is the first official NO. I got a little teary eyed when I realized why I'd been feeling so crummy for a few days. We've been out of town for my husbands business and it's been a colossal pile of stress. I figured the stress and lack of sleep was taking its toll on me. Also, when your period shows up a week EARLY, that's not exactly your happiest day when you are trying to get pregnant.
Since the HSG, I wanted to be sure to track my "days" so that I wouldn't miss the big ovulation moment. I'd been using an app on my phone to track my cycle for about a year now. I had figured it was a great way to help the doctors see how my body is acting, and not depending on my tired brain to have to remember all the details.
The only problem is that when your period comes early, doesn't that mean your ovulation days were earlier than you thought they were? Either way, I thought I knew which days would be the best to try, and not too long after, there's that definite sign that I'm not pregnant.
I know I said before that I was going to take the "flushing out" pregnancy possibility with a grain of salt, and not get my hopes up .... and I definitely wasn't expecting it to be that easy ... but it still stings a little bit.
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